How to stop being a perpetual victim

Why do people choose to have victim mentalities?

“Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses have NEVER gotten you even a single step closer to your goals or dreams. Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you DESERVE better and go EARN it! Today is a new day!”
Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Why do some people live a life of drama and victimhood? You know the type. The ones who live in perpetual theatrics. The individuals who just can’t seem to catch a break. Where life is so full of ups and downs and yelling and screaming and blaming and fights and anger and sadness. Where there never seems to be peace and quiet and reflection.

Whew… I’m just exhausted writing those few lines. How in world do people live this life? I think a better question is…why do they choose to live their drama filled life?

To answer this question, I did some investigating and honestly did not come up with an answer that made any sense to me. So I decided instead to not try to explain why certain people decide to live their life being a victim and chose to supply some of the best tips I found on how not to be a perpetual victim and possibly even break their cycle of victimhood.

Here goes:

  1. Decide that you are the boss of you

  2. Take complete responsibility for everything in your life

  3. Turn your focus outward and help some

  4. Show gratitude for your life

  5. Forgive those that you feel have wronged you

  6. Create a new story for yourself

  7. Surround yourself with positive people

  8. Get rid of toxic people

  9. Learn that it’s okay to fail (believe me, I am the Queen of Failures)

  10. Learn that the world does not owe you anything at all – nothing – nada

I personally think that these are pretty valuable and helpful tips for everyone to follow in their daily lives and to even pass on to our children, so they don’t turn out to be a perpetual victim.

Peace, Love and Responsibility!!










Diary of a Cancer Widow – Part 6

Part 6

Please join Ellen in Part 6 of Dairy of a Cancer Widow

A New Year’s Eve Thank you!

Thank you!

The last four months of 2016 has been amazing and overwhelming. Since the launch of I am.. Magazine 4 months. I have photographed over 100 amazing women, published over 100 touching essays and video’s and made countless friends. My heart is so full of love and gratitude for this project that it’s almost impossible to express with words how this project has affected not only me but those around me.

First, a huge thanks to the models who have made this project possible. It literally would not happen if it weren’t for you. You fearlessly put yourself out for the world to see and never ask for anything in return.

Next, to all of the women who have selflessly volunteered your time to make this project happen. Interviewing, writing, planning, cooking, teaching, sharing. I am so grateful for your time and patience. And I am so proud to call you all my friends and sisters.

Now onto our supporters and advertisers. You are making it possible for this to be a fulltime project. You understand the importance of this. The importance in building up women and their lives to make a better world for all of us tomorrow. I can’t express what it means to me that you believe in our mission.

And finally to our readers. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for seeing the importance of this project. Thank you for supporting all of these wonderful women on their journey to self discovery and healing. I know they would say thank you as well.

If you are interested in modeling, participating, or showing support for the I am.. Project, please send us a message. We would love to have all of you.

See you next year!

– Jennifer Adkinson Doser


When today is one of those days…

Despite it’s best efforts… I won’t let it win.

Today is one of those days. You know those days. Days when you just want to stay in bed and hide from the rest of the world. Days when you can barely keep your eyes open. Days when you feel like you just can’t. Today is one of those days.

Why is today one of those days? I don’t know. Everything is good. Kids are good. Husband is good. Life in general is good. But today (sigh)… today is just one of those days. One of those days that just don’t make sense. One of those days when despite your best efforts, the depression (or whatever your issue might be) is doing its best to keep you from living your life to its fullest.

But despite, it’s best efforts.. I won’t let it win.

I won’t let it keep me from working or parenting or living. I will fight thru. I will have to tell myself a million times today, just keep going. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow you won’t be so exhausted and aching and lacking. Tomorrow will be a good day. Better than today.

Tomorrow, I will win.


How I quit being negative & got happy

Finally I just plain tried to stop being negative…

By: Mary Vance

I’ve always been cynical. Sarcasm makes me laugh, and complaining burns off some steam. When someone close to me commented on my negativity and my tendency to complain, I began to feel like a hypocrite. See, it’s my job to help people eat better and feel better, and my holistic approach focuses a great deal on the mind-body connection.

I spend a lot of time talking with my clients about their stress levels and emotional well-being and how that impacts their health. How could I preach the importance of emotional health to help my clients when I wasn’t doing the same myself? If you’re chronically unhappy and stressed, it’s impossible to fully achieve wellness.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re not meant to be ebullient 100 percent of the time. It’s normal to feel sad and down occasionally, and working through those feelings is part of the human experience. But if you delight in negativity like I did, and cynicism is your comfort zone, maybe it’s time to see why this approach may not be working for you. I started to realize that when I left the house with a scowl on my face, I didn’t get many smiles or much warmth in return. When I would silently curse someone for bumping into me and glare at them in punishment, I only dug myself deeper into my comfort zone of negativity; and worse, that negative energy was certainly returned to me. What you exude is what you get back in return.

Here the steps I took to shed this negative attitude and achieve a happier outlook:

1. I started by making a gratitude list and writing down three things I was thankful for every day. 

At first it was more grandiose, like “my wonderful friends,” “my supportive family,” and “my awesome boyfriend.” Sometimes it was “I got a great parking spot at 10 p.m. directly in front of my house” (if you live in San Francisco, you know this is worth a lot). The point was that I focused on three things that day that were positive, no matter how big or small.

2. I stopped complaining. 

Ok, I tried really hard. This one was difficult! Even worse, I didn’t realize that every time I talked about how freezing cold my house was or mentioned what so-and-so did that annoyed me that I was complaining. I thought I was just making “a statement of fact.” But no one likes a complainer. And what does complaining foster? Negativity. I put the “think before you speak” rule into action, and if I was going to spout a complaint, I bit my tongue.

3. I started complimenting someone every day.

I make it a practice to point out an accomplishment to each of my clients, no matter how big or small, in every session. Why wasn’t I doing this outside the office? At first it was the corner store guy on the brand new shirts with the store logo he bought for the employees. Then it was someone’s shirt/earrings/hair, then someone’s talent. I noticed the more I complimented (genuinely), the happier I felt to spread positive energy.

4. In my business, I stopped reacting from a fear-based place and started getting involved in community and sharing. 

I used to think if my colleagues were more successful than I, and if I shared their great work or awesome resources, I’d drive business away from myself. The holistic health community is such an amazing group of people with varied talents, and our common goal is to share information to educate people and make the world a healthier place. I realized that by sharing as much information as I could and by referring my clients to my colleagues’ websites and research, I was contributing to this common goal. Once I started sharing, that energy was returned, and I felt even more a part of this tight-knit community. Community fosters positivity.

5. Finally, I just plain tried to stop being negative. 

If I didn’t have something to nice to say about someone, I wouldn’t open my mouth. Instead, I’d think of something positive about that person. If I was having a bad day and started mentally listing off everything that went wrong, I’d catch myself and focus on my gratitude list. This is how you form new habits: Be aware, and when you start to backslide, override that tendency and shift into your new habit.

Most importantly, I learned that I was hardest on myself. In my internal dialogue, I told myself things that I would never say out loud to a friend — or anyone. I was overly critical of myself. Maybe that was the source of my unhappiness. Once I learned how to love and accept myself, I became truly happier. It takes practice — I’m still practicing —but soon it becomes second nature.

What are you thankful for today?

Diary of a Cancer Widow

We never wanted to hear to dreaded “C” word…

Take a moment and join this incredibly brave women on her journey to becoming a cancer widow.


Reconciliation for the New Year

Start the new year off with a clean slate and a free heart.

Let Nicole inspire you to start the new year off right by forgiving those who have wronged you and in turn reconciling with those you have wronged. Start the new year off with a clean slate and a free heart.