How to stop being a perpetual victim

Why do people choose to have victim mentalities?

“Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses have NEVER gotten you even a single step closer to your goals or dreams. Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you DESERVE better and go EARN it! Today is a new day!”
Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Why do some people live a life of drama and victimhood? You know the type. The ones who live in perpetual theatrics. The individuals who just can’t seem to catch a break. Where life is so full of ups and downs and yelling and screaming and blaming and fights and anger and sadness. Where there never seems to be peace and quiet and reflection.

Whew… I’m just exhausted writing those few lines. How in world do people live this life? I think a better question is…why do they choose to live their drama filled life?

To answer this question, I did some investigating and honestly did not come up with an answer that made any sense to me. So I decided instead to not try to explain why certain people decide to live their life being a victim and chose to supply some of the best tips I found on how not to be a perpetual victim and possibly even break their cycle of victimhood.

Here goes:

  1. Decide that you are the boss of you

  2. Take complete responsibility for everything in your life

  3. Turn your focus outward and help some

  4. Show gratitude for your life

  5. Forgive those that you feel have wronged you

  6. Create a new story for yourself

  7. Surround yourself with positive people

  8. Get rid of toxic people

  9. Learn that it’s okay to fail (believe me, I am the Queen of Failures)

  10. Learn that the world does not owe you anything at all – nothing – nada

I personally think that these are pretty valuable and helpful tips for everyone to follow in their daily lives and to even pass on to our children, so they don’t turn out to be a perpetual victim.

Peace, Love and Responsibility!!










Diary of a Cancer Widow – Part 6

Part 6

Please join Ellen in Part 6 of Dairy of a Cancer Widow

It takes all kinds to make the world go around

Learn to embrace your inner Sylvia Plath…

Why do we feel the need to keep up with the Joneses?

You know Mrs. Jones. The PTA Queen, the philanthropy addict, the chairman of every board that is available. The star employee. You know who I’m talking about! The one you wish you could be like. The one we all wish we could be like. And don’t lie – you know your a bit jealous. Because Mrs. Jones makes life look easy. And you don’t.

I think Mrs. Jones is amazing. I admire her. Because of the Mrs. Jones’s of the world, we have healthcare and McDonald’s and organized organizations. Maybe she has it all figured out. Of course, I’m not sure I even know what it is.

And that’s okay…

I know that I am different, not normal maybe even a bit weird. And that’s okay too.. I have learned to see me for me. The eccentric, nonconforming, unconventional being. The one who sees the world a bit differently. The one who can’t work a 9 to 5 job because it literally makes me crazy (I’ve had two near nervous breakdowns). The one who can’t be around a lot of drama because once again it literally makes me crazy, therefore I choose to work largely on my own and isolate myself a bit. And the one that knows that no matter how hard I wish and try, I will never be “normal”.

And this is a blessing. Why might you ask? Because if we were all normal and able to organize the school bake sales, we wouldn’t have Michelangelo, Sylvia Plath, Carrie Fisher or Virginia Woolf. We wouldn’t have the beauty to decorate the building that was designed by the “normal” architect or the song to play on the radio designed by the “normal” designer.

So before, you condemn yourself for not being able to perfectly clean your house, make the playdates or even hold down a “regular job”, remember, you just might be the decoration in a world of normal. Of course, we might not all become Michelangelo’s or Virginia Woolf’s but we might just inspire the next one by embracing our own inner Sylvia Plath.







With change brings hope

You get to decide.. move forward or stay stagnate

 With change brings hope.

  A hope for more patience, a hope for more love and a hope for a calm to the storm.

Today is a day for our country to come together and show the world that we are not only great Americans but great humans. It’s a day to take stock into what has not worked in the past  and make a change for tomorrow. And no matter who you voted for… we all now have the same president. And we need to put aside our personal biases and see that by only working collectively, we can make a change for the better.

This isn’t about who’s candidate lost or who’s won, because that time has come and gone. This time in history is about what we can do to make life better for all future Americans. Because what we do today will affect change for not only our children but our grandchildren and their children. So the time to stomp our feet and throwing tantrums is done. Now it’s time to figure out how to work with who’s in power and get done what needs to get done. And there’s a lot to get done.

We need to hold our elected officials to a higher standard then we ever have before. We need to teach our children responsibility, tolerance and acceptance for everyone. We need to learn to respect and love ourselves, because if we don’t no one else will. And we need to show the world the dignity and strength that our forefathers and foremothers fought so hard for.

So now it’s up to you.

You get to decide whether to be a productive citizen of the world and move forward in a positive and fruitful way or be stagnate and stay exactly where you are. The choice is yours.



Diary of a Cancer Widow

Week one has had it’s peaks and valleys…

March 1, 2010

Almost done…well not really. Doc had told him he  would be here for 1.5 hours. Imagine our surprise when they told us  6 hours. He is tolerating it well. Our Nurse is from Lebanon, so it has been fun chatting  with her and what a wonderful nurse she has been. Since I figured out how to get on web with this iPod touch I figured I would fill you  in as we went.

OK, my posting from the Chemo room was a little hard to read.  It looked good on the little ipod screen…LOL.  We made it through the first round. Like Eddie said on the way home 1 down, 26 to go!!!! I am hoping and praying that things continue on with as little discomfort as today, I realize that is probably a pretty farfetched idea BUT a girl can dream.  He is resting well now, got him something to eat when we got home and went ahead and gave him one his nausea pills to hopefully keep it all down.  Has some more pills to take a little later, but all in all not a bad day.

With Christ as our quarterback, how can we not score TD’s!!!!!!

March 5, 2010

Week One Down!!!!! It has had its peaks and valleys.  Some stomach issues and fatigue.  Staying very positive.  Looking forward to the weekend of not having to take pills or get radiated. And it is going to be a beautiful weekend, so I am hoping he will be able to get out and enjoy it.  Maybe even jump on the Harley and go for a ride!!!! I love reading the guestbook, it is so inspiring to see so many following Eddie’s journey and know that those same people are also saying prayers that all goes well for him.  Bring on Week Two, we are ready to continue to move closer to a Healthy Eddie.
“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope.  In those when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, YOU WILL FIND ME.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
Much Love and Thanks to all who follow!  Eddie, Ellen, Thomas and Jodie. (TEAM HARRIS)

Diary of a Cancer Widow post sponsored by:



Rachel’s Story -Part 6

Join Rachel as she continues her journey.

After losing 20 inches after only 4 weeks of working out and dieting, Rachel continues on her journey of weight loss all the while trying to quit smoking.

Straight White American Female

Straight. White. American. Female.

These are all words  that are used to describe me on a daily basis.

Wife. Mother. Grandmother. Daughter. Sister. Writer. Photographer. Artist. Business Women. Publisher. Singer. Activist…

And the list goes on and on and on… Yet we are all so intent on classifying not only ourselves but each other with such limited labels. Why do we do this? Are the first 4 words the only ones that  really matter? Or should we expand our minds and look beyond the obvious into the hidden and obscure?

We live in a society that is hell bent on putting everyone in categories. White. Black. Mixed. Foreign. Christian. Muslim. Straight. Gay. Bi-Sexual. Gender Fluid. Male. Female. Bi-Polar. Schizophrenic. This. That. The other. And because of this incessant need to place people in tiny little neat boxes, including ourselves, we spend so many years of our lives trying to figure out who we are by society’s standards instead of just living our lives. And I personally have begun to see this practice more and more. We have kids who are bullied to death because they don’t fit into a certain type of box at school. We have people who define themselves by their mental illness. We have kids who are hospitalized because of the strain of trying to define who they are is so overwhelming and disturbing. We have adults who bully each other online because the thought of someone being not like them is so frightening and disturbing to them. And this has to stop.

Imagine a world where we just are who we are. Where we don’t feel the need to be anything other than our magnificent, beautiful, and original selves. A place where our differences don’t have to be defined just celebrated. A place where we are judged by our deeds instead of our outside obvious appearance.

So before you feel the need to define yourself to the world or judge someone else for their obvious labels, take a moment  and take a deeper look and realize that those obvious labels are just the tip of the surface and that there is a plethora of labels that are hidden and so much more important than the obvious.

Peace, Love and Understanding…