How to stop being a perpetual victim

Why do people choose to have victim mentalities?

“Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses have NEVER gotten you even a single step closer to your goals or dreams. Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you DESERVE better and go EARN it! Today is a new day!”
Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Why do some people live a life of drama and victimhood? You know the type. The ones who live in perpetual theatrics. The individuals who just can’t seem to catch a break. Where life is so full of ups and downs and yelling and screaming and blaming and fights and anger and sadness. Where there never seems to be peace and quiet and reflection.

Whew… I’m just exhausted writing those few lines. How in world do people live this life? I think a better question is…why do they choose to live their drama filled life?

To answer this question, I did some investigating and honestly did not come up with an answer that made any sense to me. So I decided instead to not try to explain why certain people decide to live their life being a victim and chose to supply some of the best tips I found on how not to be a perpetual victim and possibly even break their cycle of victimhood.

Here goes:

  1. Decide that you are the boss of you

  2. Take complete responsibility for everything in your life

  3. Turn your focus outward and help some

  4. Show gratitude for your life

  5. Forgive those that you feel have wronged you

  6. Create a new story for yourself

  7. Surround yourself with positive people

  8. Get rid of toxic people

  9. Learn that it’s okay to fail (believe me, I am the Queen of Failures)

  10. Learn that the world does not owe you anything at all – nothing – nada

I personally think that these are pretty valuable and helpful tips for everyone to follow in their daily lives and to even pass on to our children, so they don’t turn out to be a perpetual victim.

Peace, Love and Responsibility!!










Don’t be scared – What’s the worst that could happen?

How old is too old to dream?


I see people everyday who have given up on their dreams and are now settling for what life has given them. They have become resigned to the fact that they are stuck in the job that they are in, immobilized in the relationship that they are not fulfilled in and resounded to the fact that life is as good as it will get.

Well, I say that’s a load of lazy, unmotivated and scared poppycock.

Some of the most successful people in the world were “older” dreamers. Let’s do a little  lesson here…

1.Vera Wang – She didn’t begin her design career until she was 40 and now she is one of the most successful women and designers in the world.

Vera Wang was a figure skater and journalist before entering the fashion industry at age 40. Today she's one of the world's premier women's designers.

2. Julia Child – She was 50 when she wrote her first cookbook which catapulted her into culinary history.

Julia Child worked in advertising and media before writing her first cookbook when she was 50, launching her career as a celebrity chef.

3. Laura Ingalls Wilder – She didn’t publish the first “Little House ” book until she was 65 in 1932.

Laura Ingalls Wilder spent her later years writing semi-autobiographical stories using her educated daughter Rose as an editor. She published the first in the "Little House" books at age 65 in 1932. They soon became children's literary classics, and the basis for TV show "Little House on the Prairie."

4.Anna Mary Robertson Moses – better known as Grandma Moses, began her prolific painting career at 78. In 2006, one of her paintings sold for $1.2 million.

Anna Mary Robertson Moses, better known as Grandma Moses, began her prolific painting career at 78. In 2006, one of her paintings sold for $1.2 million.

5. Martha Stewart – She was 40 before she became the woman we know today, when she published her first book.

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6. Joy Behar – In her early 40’s, she decided to change her career from a high school teacher to comedian. And finally found fame at 56 when she was cast on the The View.

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7. Bea Arthur – She didn’t find fame until she was 50 when she cast in the TV show All in the Family, as the liberal feminist Maude.

Image result for Bea Arthur

8. Susan Boyle – The singer didn’t get her big break until she was discovered at the age of 48 on Britain’s Got Talent

Image result for Susan boyle

9. JK Rowling – She was 32 when she published her first Harry Potter book and we all know how that turned out.

Image result for jk rowling

And of course, we can’t forget the men…

10. Stan Lee – He created his first hit comic title, “The Fantastic Four,” just shy of his 39th birthday. In the next few years, he created the legendary Marvel Universe, whose characters like Spider-Man and the X-Men became American cultural icons.

Image result for stan lee

So what is some advice from these wildly successful people?

  1. Articulate your dream – clearly define what you want
  2. Ask yourself, “If I took fear out of the equation what would I do?”
  3. Listen to your gut
  4. Truly believe that your dream will come true
  5. Never give up
  6. Tell your critics to hit the road
  7. Believe, Believe, Believe
  8. Be prepared to fail before you succeed
  9. Be prepared to work harder than you ever have

And finally…

10. Don’t be scared – what’s the worst that can happen.

It takes all kinds to make the world go around

Learn to embrace your inner Sylvia Plath…

Why do we feel the need to keep up with the Joneses?

You know Mrs. Jones. The PTA Queen, the philanthropy addict, the chairman of every board that is available. The star employee. You know who I’m talking about! The one you wish you could be like. The one we all wish we could be like. And don’t lie – you know your a bit jealous. Because Mrs. Jones makes life look easy. And you don’t.

I think Mrs. Jones is amazing. I admire her. Because of the Mrs. Jones’s of the world, we have healthcare and McDonald’s and organized organizations. Maybe she has it all figured out. Of course, I’m not sure I even know what it is.

And that’s okay…

I know that I am different, not normal maybe even a bit weird. And that’s okay too.. I have learned to see me for me. The eccentric, nonconforming, unconventional being. The one who sees the world a bit differently. The one who can’t work a 9 to 5 job because it literally makes me crazy (I’ve had two near nervous breakdowns). The one who can’t be around a lot of drama because once again it literally makes me crazy, therefore I choose to work largely on my own and isolate myself a bit. And the one that knows that no matter how hard I wish and try, I will never be “normal”.

And this is a blessing. Why might you ask? Because if we were all normal and able to organize the school bake sales, we wouldn’t have Michelangelo, Sylvia Plath, Carrie Fisher or Virginia Woolf. We wouldn’t have the beauty to decorate the building that was designed by the “normal” architect or the song to play on the radio designed by the “normal” designer.

So before, you condemn yourself for not being able to perfectly clean your house, make the playdates or even hold down a “regular job”, remember, you just might be the decoration in a world of normal. Of course, we might not all become Michelangelo’s or Virginia Woolf’s but we might just inspire the next one by embracing our own inner Sylvia Plath.







With change brings hope

You get to decide.. move forward or stay stagnate

 With change brings hope.

  A hope for more patience, a hope for more love and a hope for a calm to the storm.

Today is a day for our country to come together and show the world that we are not only great Americans but great humans. It’s a day to take stock into what has not worked in the past  and make a change for tomorrow. And no matter who you voted for… we all now have the same president. And we need to put aside our personal biases and see that by only working collectively, we can make a change for the better.

This isn’t about who’s candidate lost or who’s won, because that time has come and gone. This time in history is about what we can do to make life better for all future Americans. Because what we do today will affect change for not only our children but our grandchildren and their children. So the time to stomp our feet and throwing tantrums is done. Now it’s time to figure out how to work with who’s in power and get done what needs to get done. And there’s a lot to get done.

We need to hold our elected officials to a higher standard then we ever have before. We need to teach our children responsibility, tolerance and acceptance for everyone. We need to learn to respect and love ourselves, because if we don’t no one else will. And we need to show the world the dignity and strength that our forefathers and foremothers fought so hard for.

So now it’s up to you.

You get to decide whether to be a productive citizen of the world and move forward in a positive and fruitful way or be stagnate and stay exactly where you are. The choice is yours.



You are worth saving

He controlled where I went…He controlled who I talked to…

By: Clarissa Hill

At the age of 20 I gave birth to my first son. His father had run off and I was doing it on my own. In December of 2009, 5 months after he was born, I met my now ex husband. I had gone to school with him so I felt like I knew him. I felt on top of the world, loved, appreciated, all the things I was looking for. He accepted me and my son into his life. I felt I had found the father figure my son would need. February 2010, the horror began.

It all started as belittling, downgrading, name calling.. verbal and emotional abuse. I was always a b***h, a s**t, a horrible mother, and the list went on. Several times I tried to leave,  he wouldn’t allow it. He started cutting out communication with my family as much as he could. He controlled where I went and what I did. Somewhere around the end of May or beginning of June I became pregnant with my second son. Things only got worse.
It escalated to physical. Pushing, shoving, smacking, punching. I began to wonder if my child would make it into this world alive. February 2011, he made in into this world alive. July of 2011 my first born father resurfaced and decides to be a part of his life, that set my ex husband into a rage. Around that time I found out about his drug usage. It got worse he started taking away from our children to feed his habit. 2012 was a steady downhill climb. Abuse got worse, habit got worse, I only wondered how much longer it would be before he killed me.
2013 the rape began. 2014 the rape conceived another baby boy. A baby boy he did not want brought into this world, the rage increased which made the abuse worse. (By some miracle son 3 made it into this world alive and healthy)
December 2014, the abuse came to light to others.  He was so strung out HE called the cops saying I was abusing him. Slurring his words and the accusations of domestic violence they were there in a matter of minutes. At 7 months pregnant I was covered in red marks and bite marks. They saw the marks and immediately arrested him. They asked for pictures and as afraid of him as I was I denied them. He spent only 10 days in jail to be released to continue his rampage against me.
April of 2015 my life fell apart… I had dropped my oldest off at a visit with his father for the weekend, only to receive a phone call several hours later. He informed me he would not be returning my son to me. Apparently he had been to court behind my back and had our child ripped from my home due to the domestic violence. I was lost, I didn’t know what to do. I was a victim falling through the cracks, being punished and forgotten.  My mother immediately found me a lawyer and we preceded to court. I finally received supervised visits, then eventually I was given weekend visitation.
May of 2015 I received the worst beating of my life. He attacked me with my youngest son (at the times 3 months old) in my arms. At some point I blacked out, by some miracle I was still holding my son. After I came to, I managed to lure him outside. Once he was outside away from the door, I ran like hell rushing one son back in the door, holding tight to the other.  I slammed the door as hard as I could, and just as I was latching it he started running full force at the door trying to get back in. By the grace of God the door latched on the outside of the door frame. I have no doubt he was out to kill me that day.
The following day I went for help with my injuries. From there I went to the police station and filed for an epo/dvo. February of 2016 I was granted my divorce with sole custody of the two children I share with my abuser. October of 2016 I was told my oldest son would not be coming home full time, but I would keep my visitations.
Here it is 2017, he has violated his DVO twice now. But all they do is smack him on the wrist and give him more probation. BUT it’s been almost 2 years since the last attack and I’m still free, I’m alive, my kids are alive, and that’s all I can ask for.
Yes, I’m still fixing my life, yes it’s a struggle, but IT’S WORTH IT. You can do it too.  Reach out, ask for help, run while you can. Don’t wait until it’s to late, don’t wait until your life has been crumbled and will never be the same. YOU ARE WORTH IT! YOU DESERVE BETTER! YOU ARE SPECIAL! Don’t ever let anyone take that from you. Don’t be a statistic.

Broads United

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I am honored to have been asked to guest blog on an amazing new site called Broads United. The site is dedicated to allowing women from all backgrounds express their views on everything from politics to personal issues. Please take a moment and show your support for an amazing place filled with amazing female voices and unique views.

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