Holding out for Hope

Have you ever been in a situation that you knew you could no longer participate in because it no longer served your life’s purpose? It no longer brought you joy and it basically was wearing you down to a point where everything and everyone associated with that particular activity became toxic to you in some way. And like me, you probably stayed in this place too long because you knew that your decisions would not only affect your future but the future of others?

 I very recently decided to quit a longtime project with people who I considered to be like family or at least friends. And I have to say it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do..much harder than I had anticipated. It was crazy because I went thru the entire grieving process.

 My initial reaction to my decision was shock. I couldn’t believe that I had actually done it. I had actually quit something that had been such a big part of my life for so long. At one point, It had brought me joy. And most importantly I had met the most incredible people because of this project.

 The next step I went thru was denial. I started thinking oh shit, I’ve made a huge mistake, maybe the situation wasn’t really as bad as I had made it out to be…

 Next came bargaining…Okay Lord, if you will let me take back my announcement to quit..then I will work so hard and never do this again..

 The next step kinda shocked me..I started to get angry. I started to get angry that none of my “co-workers” had really tried to contact me after my announcement, save one. I spoke to one on the phone and explained the exact reasons why I felt like it was to time to step away and just take a break and get some clarity in my life. But that was it..Man, was I pissed..that these people who I thought had been my friends for an extended period of time just dropped me. No phone calls, no texts, no nothing..

 And then the next step really shocked the shit out of me…I became depressed. I was really beside myself. I truly started grieving the end of a project that truly at one point had been so satisfying and pleasurable but had ultimately become toxic. I started grieving the fact that these people who were really the only people I spoke to on a regular basis beside my family just tossed me out to the trash like I was some day old moldy bread. I was beyond devastated. I was crushed…

 And let me explain, all of these emotions up to this point had occurred within a 36 hour window..I was a mess, beyond a mess..

 And then it happened..Hope. Hope happened.

 I got up the next morning, dropped my kid at daycare, went to the gym and I started listening to an Elevation Church Podcast with TD Jakes while I was on the elliptical machine and it changed everything for me.

 I heard words of hope and wisdom and love and acceptance. Words that would bring my soul to a place where my decisions were suddenly okay. A place of peace. A place were for the first time in months my creativity started flowing again and I started to get excited about my next project..

The moral of the story? The sadness, the anger, the bargaining..it will eventually pass. It might take 36 hours or 36 days. However long it takes..go thru the emotions, feel the emotions, accept the emotions and the one day..Hope!

 Hope..it’s a beautiful thing!

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