I had loved before. I mean, I had been married twice but I don’t think I had ever really been in head over heels, body tingling, heart stomping, all consuming love. The type of love that the great writers speak of in whimsical lore and fantastical abundance. The kind of love that completely engulfs every part of your being and changes you on a molecular level. Yeah…that kind of love!
How many of you can truly say that you’ve have felt that magnetic force of true love? Not puppy love..we’ve all felt that at one point or another. And not you’re so sweet, I love you love or even oh you’re my baby daddy so I must be in love with you love…No, I’m talking about that beautifully rare unicorn named L-O-V-E!!!
Well, after 43 years of life, it finally happened to me. It crept up on me like a snake in the grass and bit my ass before I knew what was happening. And I have to tell you, at this point, I would have rather had been bit on my ass by a real snake then to have felt the pain of loving and then losing the person that I considered my other, my beloved, my first and last, my unicorn…
Alford Lord Tennison, who said that twas better to have loved and loss than never to have never loved at all obviously had never had the privilege of being tortured by your own demons of inadequacies and unloveability after having your heart slowly ripped from your chest and eaten bit by bit by a ravenous bitch name R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N! Oh, now I’m sure some of you will leave comments saying one day you’ll look back and appreciate the time you spent with so and so or you’re beautiful, you don’t need him or even what a piece of shit that ass is…
I Know that one day I will be able to look back at this fiasco and learn the lesson I’m meant to learn and I know I don’t need him but damn do I want him but no, he’s not a piece of shit. He’s a kind, sweet, talented, beautiful man who just doesn’t happen to feel the same way I do. It doesn’t make him defective or bad, it is what it is…He can’t help not loving me anymore than I can’t help loving him.
And it probably will for a while longer. And then one day, it just won’t.