I have always been too scared to stand up for myself…always.
I never felt strong enough to defend myself. I felt weak. I felt fragile. I felt inadequate.
I let people walk all over me. An ex would cheat…it was somehow my fault. A “friend” would betray me…it was somehow karma. A co-worker would not do what they were suppose to and in turn I would have to do their job for them…I was just too scared to say anything. This has been the theme of my life.
I always thought that I was just passive…kind hearted…sensible…
What I didn’t realize was that I never felt like I deserved justice..I never felt like I deserved the best…
A real turning point came about a month ago, when I went to a concert with two friends of mine. At some point during the concert my very sweet friend, Ron, had bought me a concert t-shirt. I had laid it on my seat and proceeded to watch and dance to the incredible music being performed. At some point, I turned around and a drunk girl behind me was holding my t-shirt. I politely said, Honey, you have my t-shirt. She said nope, that’s my shirt. I double checked just make sure that I was right. So once again, I said.. I’m sorry, But that my shirt. She insisted that it was hers. And then something snapped inside me, I proceeded to grab the shirt in her arm and said, “No, it’s mine”. A bit of a tug of war happened. I just happen to look over and my two friends, Ron and Susan, were just staring at the ridiculousness that was occuring between me and this drunk girl and I didn’t feel scared. The next thing that happened surprised all of us, no one more than myself when I jerked the shirt out of this girls hand and said, “No, it’s mine!”. Now this might seem silly or juvenile to some of you but to me, it was a simple declaration of my independence, my courage, my new life.
This small event fundamentally changed me. I had stood up for myself for the very first time in my life at the age of 44. And I felt like a badass…I felt tough…I felt strong. And I remember walking out of that concert with my head a little higher, my back a little straighter and my pride fully intact.
This small event has changed every aspect in my life.
I sing and perform with more confidence now, I write with more self assurance and I am living with more conviction than I ever have before.
The moral of the story…it’s never late to change your life. It’s never too late to become what you have always wanted to be…it’s never too late to become your own hero.