Sometimes you lose your creativity because of self imposed issues. Sometimes you lose your creativity because of external stress and sometimes it just disappears for no apparent reason. Which ever way you lose it…it’s heartbreaking, frustrating and relentlessly soul wrenching.
I lost mine about a year and a half ago due to a plethora of reasons.
I had created a project called The I am..Project which celebrated all women. It honored women’s beauty, strength and bravery. It started out great. I had amassed a stable of over 100 models and quickly gained a readership from 23 countries. I recorded women’s stories of heartbreak, triumph and resiliency. I took pictures of women and in return they inspired me beyond belief and from this time of my life, I made some of the best friends I ever had. I was a lucky girl. And then it happened…tragedy struck my family.
My youngest daughter got sick. And then I got divorced. My oldest daughter spiraled into mental illness. And then I got custody of my then 4 month old grandson. Life became very hectic and seemed out of my control. It sucked the life out of me. My soul was aching and my head was spinning.
I’ve tried to resurrect I am… a couple of times to no avail. I would get a spark and then it would fizzle out just as quickly. And once again, my heart was full of sadness and disappointed in myself. So, I would once again put my passion to the side.
It’s now been about 18 months since I lost my motivation to create and I’m still struggling to regain my footing. To regain my chi. To find my center. To find me. I have high hopes that I will get back to me, in the meantime I will concentrate on living each day with the hopes that tomorrow will get better and the future will be as bright as my love for creating.
I Am... Magazine 