Anytime someone is going thru a divorce, whether they were the one who initiated the breakup or not, there is definitely a shock period you go thru. A period where you are adjusting to a new life. Fixing dinner for one less person. Sleeping alone. Waking up alone. Having to check to see if your ex already has plans with the kids for the weekend, finding out that your ex is dating and so on. The gut punch of a new life can be overwhelming.
And for me, my first gut punch came exactly 1 week after I had moved out of our marital home.
It was a Saturday morning, I was alone and straightening up the house. I heard my phone ding signaling that a message had been sent, so I opened the message to see it was from a friend. The message started out as most of the messages had that I had received over the last week. I’m really proud of you, I’m glad you’re moving on, if you need anything…. pretty standard friend message and then the gut punch..
I wanted you to hear this from me before you heard it from anyone else… I’ve been “talking” to your ex-husband…wait…what.. did this girl, who I had confided in, just tell me that she was “talking” to my ex-husband? I thought surely I’ve read the message wrong… so, I reread the entire message again… I had read it right the first time. My friend was “talking” to my husband.
I wasn’t sure how to process this information… was I jealous, was I mad, was I shocked? I don’t know..
So I calmly called my ex and asked him if this was true.. he said yes. He said that she had sent him a sea message via Facebook right after I moved out.
I proceeded to walk out onto my back porch, sit in a chair, close my eyes and exhale a long deep breathe. I didn’t think for a couple of seconds. I was just being.. clearing my mind.. finding my center. Then I opened my eyes and said to myself… I’m glad he’s moving on. I want him to be happy. If he’s happy, it’s good for my girls.
The next thought wasn’t so nice.. I felt betrayed.. I felt like a fool! I had trusted someone with very personal thoughts and she had betrayed the girl code. She had gone after my ex. I instantly put my guard up. I started thinking about everything I had told her and all of my other so called friends. The private thoughts, the personal confessions, the emotional reflections that I had shared to a select group of women, I thought were my friends..
I was devastated…
I instantly closed off from everyone. I had truly never been deceived by a friend in this manner and it changed me in an instant. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a very open and honest person. I am upfront with my feelings and rarely hold back my thoughts. And in turn, people are the same with me. They tell me their secrets and I keep them. This trust is sacred. You never tell a secret and you certainly don’t go after your friends ex after you have girl conversations about them and especially before the divorce is even legal. I will certainly be more cautious as to who I choose to let into my world and that is a shame.
But now, a couple of weeks has passed and I no longer have ill will towards her. I certainly won’t be having any private conversations with her ever again but I actually feel bad for her. How low does a person’s self-esteem have to be to do what she did to a friend. I don’t know… Maybe it’s fate…Maybe it won’t last…Maybe they’re soul mates… Maybe next time, I will be choosier as to who I tell my secrets to. And maybe next time, she’ll get a taste of her own medicine…. A girl can dream!!