My Sweet Sherry,
I thought about this letter for days, trying to piece together the things I would want to know in the future. I feel that it’s important to explain a few things and assure you that you have come so far and remind you that your courage and faith will restore you, despite your circumstances.
Sherry, it took you years to the get the help you needed, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. You spent most of your life slipping through the cracks and reaching out to people who would turn a blind eye to you. This has forced you to live a life of complete Bipolar Destruction. Sealed with an everyday reminder – scars on your wrists. These are from the three failed suicide attempts.
Your hands and your inability to make a proper choice has destroyed numerous parts of your life multiple times. The Bipolar highs are so very high and the Bipolar lows took you to places that you wouldn’t even wish on your worst enemy.
I can’t count how many times you wished the world didn’t have to deal with you. Of how you fantasized about a better and more peaceful place. After all, how could anyone love someone like you? Destruction was the only thing that had mastered. You had no hopes and no dreams. You were alone, hated, dirty, hungry, and cold. You were in a Bipolar state of confusion and you were very lost.
Despite everything, you never quite lost your spark for life. You somehow knew that desperation was not your destiny. And in your weakest moments, after all you have done and experienced, you decided to ask God for help. You asked him to help you become the person you were meant to be. And he did just that.
It wasn’t easy. At times, it felt as if you were pushing a 1000 pounds with your hands while pulling a thousand pounds on your back. You hadn’t fully put your trust in him yet and were still standing your complicated grounds. And even though you couldn’t see how far you had already come or even where you were headed, something still told you to trust him and give him praise.
Along the way, you received the key that unlocked the feelings that you had gone your whole life without, and those feelings were Love and Forgiveness. And these were the keys to everything.
There are others out there who have walked similar paths. There are those who have overcome quicker and better than you. And there are those who are still struggling. Look up to those ahead of you and help those who need it. Because, these two actions will keep you humble on your path to recovery.
Right now, at this moment, things are better than you could have possibly imagined. You have been single for over four years and that has proven to more than okay. You have learned so much about yourself. And now you are beginning to pray that God will send someone to you. You have had custody of your kids for almost four years and they are doing great. You have been a caretaker for your ailing grandmother for two years, and what a blessing this has turned out to be. You have been on your mental health medication for just over a year. You are working on your finances and you have been taking control of your physical health as well.
You will eventually get clarity back in your life and this is apart of God’s plan. Where would your kids be now if you had been successful during your suicide attempts? Those who hated you, now celebrate you. And you will see the love and admiration in the eyes of your children, even though they have so much to be mad about.
Don’t get me wrong, Bipolar will rear it’s ugly head now and again but I know you Sherry. And you are strong, willful, and determined. You will be your best advocate.
And Sherry, please remember that you are worthy of Love. And although you will always have bipolar disorder, you will always be the daughter of the most high. You are free, free to love yourself without judgment, you are free to know that this your walk with Christ, and free to always keep pushing to be a better person.
You are Free.