Will today be the last day that I wakeup next to you?

By Ellen Harris

One year ago today, I woke up on a lumpy hospital couch, Thomas asleep on the cold nasty floor next to me. Jodie was sleeping out in the waiting area because we had thought you were going to leave us the day before. So when I awoke, my first thought was is this the last morning I will wake up next to you? I believe my brain knew the answer to that, but my Heart was not yet embracing it. So our day began, talking to you, Docs coming in confirming that it wouldn’t be long. We had a little breakfast, visitors came and went. So thankful our family was there. Lunch time rolled around and still no major changes had occurred. Your AWESOME UK family brought us Joe B’s for lunch, Mom and Dad had shown up to visit, so we all ate and talked and laughed with you. After lunch you had an old friend from High School show up and as I was talking with him and watching you…I SAW IT…the change was happening, ever so subtle but I KNEW. Didn’t say anything to your visitors, but once they left I called our beautiful sons to be at my side and your side. We held onto one another, we held onto you as you left us little by little. Then as you drew that final breathe, it took all I had not to crumble BUT I had our two strong boys at my side and they needed to see I was going to be OK. Because they had just lost the most important man in their lives. You left this world at 4:30pm, quitting time for you, so I like to think that is why you chose to leave at that exact time, to give me something to smile about…

So many things you have missed since you have been gone! I know people will say Oh he was there Ellen, and yes I know my angel was there BUT truly that doesn’t make me feel any better! I want YOU, your body next to mine, your hand holding mine. So many times I have thought I need to tell Eddie this or that and I do still tell you, but it will never be the same for me. You were my Rock, you were my balance when everything else in the world was upside down crazy, you were there to say HOLD ON HONEY, I got this.

One year, Ten Years, Twenty Years, One Hundred Years will not make difference, I will miss you, my heart will ache for you.

I sent you a Hug with Mom when she decided it was her time to leave. I am hoping that the two of you have been catching up on all the news. Take good care of each of other.

I am trying to keep your motto alive: Head Up Move Forward…




  1. Beautiful, horrible, sad, amazing. Brought tears to my eyes. Your words are what I was feeling almost 1 year ago, when I watched my mother leave us. She left on Dec. 17th, 2015. 53 days after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Thank you for sharing.


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