When did it go sideways?

As I lay in bed last night, I wondered how in the world it had come to this. How did I become the women that I had become. The over worked and stressed single mom of three small boys. The angry and obsessed women, who wonders why he thinks it’s okay not to take care of his children. And last but certainly not least, the women who hasn’t had a relationship in over┬áseven years. When did it all go sideways?

Let me go back for a minute and let me assure you that I wasn’t always this way. Once, I was fabulous. I took life by the horns and ran with the bulls. I did what I wanted, when wanted, and with whom I wanted. I had girls’ nights, boy’s nights and my nights. But then I met him. I met the man that would alter my life forever. At first, it was amazing. So amazing in fact that we got married a month after we met. And the next couple of years were great. The time was filled with parties and friends and love. And then I got pregnant, and then I got pregnant again and then again. And the fun party times turned into heated screaming matches about which girl he had taken out the night before as I sat at home and tended to our three children. And that’s when it happened. That’s when I became the woman I am today. The bitter, angry, stressed, and overwhelmed with life women.

Now that I am aware of this me, am I going to change? Hopefully, in time. Will he ever become the man that my boys need him to be? Probably not. Am I going to let that stop my boys from having the best life that I can give them? Absolutely not.

From this point on, I will make a conscience effort to take life day by day. To look forward instead of back. And remember, that although I may not be the young and fabulous women that I once was, I am going to become the fiercest and baddest women that this world has ever seen.



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