Are you scared of living an authentic life? Do you worry about what people would say about you if you let your true self be seen by the world? Would you be thought of as weird or loose or ridiculous? And why does it matter what others think? I don’t know why we do this. I don’t know why we pretend to be one thing, all the while living in our secret world of unadulterated freakiness undercover.
And we all do this. Admit it. We all have secrets that we would rather die for than have someone find out about them. The “marriage” who is filled with violence and anger on the inside but on the outside is strong, financially secure, and by all accounts perfect. The man who is the good church going family provider to the outside world but at home drinks too much and compulsively watches porn. Or the woman who is the ideal mother and wife, who attends every PTA meeting and sees to all the needs of her family all the while wishing she was having an X-rated affair with the local resident guitar player. Why do we pretend to be what we are not?
Is it societies unrealistic expectations of what a “good” person is that taints us? Do we learn from an early age that if we aren’t the perfect mother, perfect woman, perfect everything by the world’s standards, that we aren’t worthy? That by denying ourselves what we truly desire, that somehow we are better people. And that somehow by paying the price for our chosen mistakes and not correcting them we are being responsible adults? I don’t know why we choose to be unhappy good citizens instead of happy satisfied humans.
What would really happen if the world knew that you and your partner liked to share your bed with others? What would really happen if the world knew that you secretly like to watch porn while drinking vodka out of a baby bottle. What would really happen if you left your abusive husband and “perfect” life for a one bedroom apartment in the lesser desirable side of town. Do you think that people would shame you or point fingers at you when you walked past them? You’re right, they would. But who really cares what they think. Who cares if your so-called church family would think less of you for standing up for yourself and not being quiet anymore. Who cares if your so called friends wouldn’t associate with you because you desire someone of the same sex. And who cares if the world thinks you are a freak because you want to live your life on your terms and not theirs. Who cares? When you die would you rather have people say, “Wow, what a good responsible person who denied themselves all pleasure in life they were.” Or would you rather have someone say, “Wow, what an amazing and fearless person they were. They lived their life on their own terms and didn’t give a care to what the world thought of them”. That’s the person I want to be. Am I that person yet? No. Do I live my life on own my own terms? For the most part, yes I do. I am out spoken and not afraid to try new things. I have failed much more than I have succeeded. I have loved and left an extremely abusive man. At 42, I am in a rock band. And I have taken on a project where I am actively going completely and utterly broke in order to make the world a better place for all women.
But I’m not completely free of the bondages of society quite yet. Although I am actively working on it. Will I get there sooner than later? Yes, I will. I will truly be the free and confident spirit that people assume I am. I will be a champion of openness and truth. And I will let my freak flag fly for all to see and ridicule. And I won’t give one rat’s ass about it!
Peace, Love and Self-discovery to you all.